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One Side: Beth

At times she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes vlogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it comes like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or be captured while eating. It feels invasive.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my unease about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest helping her create material.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my design career, but I don’t want our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes it seems that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with another. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love spending time with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an audience. I am not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about creating videos. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I look up to people on TikTok who pull off that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Content creation is my version of living actively: observing the nuances, posting them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, giving her a chance to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the content we create together can achieve: a foot in the door. I know not all people likes being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private videographer, but companions support one another in minor capacities. I thought filming a clip here or there would be fun for Beth. Innovation thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to come between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before recording, and avoiding shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion point a camera at you. I get that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She must to respect her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Create some real memories, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their bond?